September 29, 1927, Amherst, Massachusetts, to El Paso

Sept. 28 Dearest : Yes, I feel that way. Your letter came – true – but a little too early to be the herald of October. I feel humble when I write this letter and I want you to remember this when you read it. I have already answered your letter once, in a harmony with yours ___ but I have burned it after a day of thinking it over. I can't go on this way indefinitely. News, news and all the rest that is superficial but not much of you. It is true also that in a way I should be content – I am not. There is something that torments and irritates. I am afraid I fail to quality in the Griselde class. Perhaps they no longer exist as in 1600. Any how, I love you. I think you do or did or will love me and so I am not content without at least some of you. If you by any chance think this impudence, be frank with yourself and me. Memory is a cherished posession, but it doesn't suffice for me in harboring you as I would. I would like to say all the pretty little turns poets give to phrases but my mind doesn't allow. I hold dear those letters which I do receive and I admit I enjoy them . Do they, though, pertain intimately? I remember so well your not wishing to hurt me in Sophomore year and a letter which said so. I may be defenseless now, but at least we are separated. Even so, I put the sword in your hand. I will keep on loving you night and day as long as there is the slightest contact, but I am. New hopes, if broken, are are merely retrogression. Perhaps I ought not know for another year or so, for my best. But I prefer at least that you do yield a little. Pride is an empty device, but torture is worse. If I could only see you. Thank God, I can be philosophical usually, but that doesn't do the world any good. I want to be good to you, yes you even as I see you now and close my eyes, I do not wish you to be the cause of sorrow either, but of joy and happiness. But you must consider, I love you. There must be a parting of the ways, somewhere, or you must be forever mine. And I swear, Helen, the next time I might see you – . I have been fickle or at least have experienced the tendency. I am cured or my eyes have opened. I have been true to you even when I had no reason to be, which was my own choice. Even now I weaken and want to let things go on but I will close with my eyes turned to yours. As ever, Ted .